Wow! I’ve been spammed and scammed. And this time they made it hurt … whoever “they” are. I’ll probably never know.

I shop online from three clothing companies that I have enjoyed for years. I know my sizes, what will fit, and what won’t. Their return policies are accommodating, and I know they will always do the right thing by me.

But a few years ago, I made the mistake of buying a sweater from a Chinese website notorious for selling junk. I learned that you don’t have to be especially gullible to be bamboozled by them. They lure their customers with low prices on quality brand-name goods which seem too good to be true. I know better than that.

Then I saw something really cute at a good price, and I bit. Many weeks later, just as I was about to give up, the sweater arrived. It was child size, and the beautiful knit design was not knitted – it was painted on. OK, stupid. You’ve been had. Never again, I vowed. Stick to the long-established, old tried and true. Years went by.

Then last month, a new clothier popped up in my email. The company was named for two ladies from Savannah. The picture was of two attractive women baking in their classy kitchen. VERY sophisticated. I’ll paraphrase from their website:

“Some dreams start with a mother, a daughter, and a crazy idea – to create a little corner of Savannah where every woman felt truly seen and completely at home. And, because of you, that dream became bigger than we ever imagined.” They went on to say that they’re moving to “a larger, more beautiful space but with same intimate soul, just more room for you to breathe and shine.” To speed things up, they were offering huge discounts and free shipping… because of the move.

It all sounded lovely and the boutique storefront looked elegant. I was very interested, but I thought: better be careful – they’re a new name. Yet if they’ve been in Savannah since 2015, they obviously have a track record. That thought should have clued me to Google Savannah boutiques. But I didn’t. I did, however, check their return policy:

“30-DAY MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE Doesn’t fit? No problem! Even as we prepare to move, you’re still covered by our 30-day return guarantee. If something isn’t quite right, you can return your item within 30 days — no pressure, no worries.” OK then. Easy peasy.

I’d found a few pretty dresses at low prices – marked way down from very expensive. I hadn’t bought a dress in a long time, and these were styles I thought would work. The pictures were gorgeous, and the prices were right. Should I? Well, if returns are that easy …

Then I read: “24/7 CUSTOMER SERVICE. If you have any questions, feedback, or concerns about your order, don’t worry — you can always reach us at: (their web address.) We’re here to help and happy to assist you.” The fact that there was no phone number didn’t register with me.

So I ordered. The package arrived almost four weeks later – with no return address except an Illinois shipping number. No address? I had no idea what was in the package until I opened it. There was no paperwork enclosed, no shipping receipt or return form. Each dress was in a small Ziploc type bag. No label on the bag, no label in the garment, no tags on anything. Huh?

At first glance the prints were correct. On second look, they were not at all what I was expecting. I had three flimsy, cheesy dresses, all 3 sizes too small, all junk. Dammit. But everything is guaranteed, right?

Wrong. I could only email their customer service. Their promise to answer every email quickly still hasn’t happened, and after three tries in ten days, I know it won’t. I dug deeper into the fine print that wasn’t available on the selling page. Returns must be made within 30 days, after they are approved by email contact. Seriously? Plus, there is a $15 PER ITEM processing fee. What? And they must be “shipped to Asia.” W-H-A-A-A-T? OMG. Fuggedaboudit.

I realized then that I’d broken another of my personal rules – always read the reviews. The first 15 reviews I found on delivery day were for one star. “Stay away.” Another said, “Total scam.” Many wrote very lengthy reviews enumerating all the problems and all the lies. I haven’t felt this stupid in a long time.

So be warned. Please learn from my bone-headed mistake. I don’t plan on ever buying another item online unless I initiate the purchase. I’m done. If the porch pirates had stolen this, they’d have done me a favor.

P.S. If you want the name of this company, email me. I WILL answer you.

Marcy O’Brien can be reached at Moby.32@hotmail.com.