I always envisioned my retirement as the Golden Years. I somehow pictured days of sleeping in, reading after lunch, and playing tennis or an occasional bridge game. Oh – and not having too many obligations. I wanted to stop jumping through other people’s hoops.

Fuggedaboudit. Besides, my tennis game left with the purchase of my new knees. And reading for pleasure during daytime hours still clobbers me with guilt. Maybe I’ll stick around long enough to outlive that.

Of course, I never imagined having a computer and the possibility of falling down the internet rabbit hole each morning. Chasing the interesting article that pops up – then another, and another – is a habit I never planned on taking my time. I have to quit this nonsense.

I do, however, have my morning wake-up games – you know, the mandatory means of keeping the gray matter sharp. My first cup of coffee is with Wordle and Connections – the second cup takes me to the Spelling Bee. I pay the New York Times about $2 a month to play these mind games that will assuredly keep me out of the nursing home. I’ve read that repeatedly losing my keys and glasses is not concrete proof that I’m totally losing it.

But I went down the rabbit hole again this morning. The article was about the many items that seniors still use. I think it was written by a 27-year old who paid close attention to her grandparents. The inference was that we – and only we – still use the following:

The telephone. Yes, I’m one of those dinosaurs who still has a land line. Intellectually, I know it’s time to give it up. The nostalgia bug intervenes a lot. I know, I know, it ‘s costing us money. But the number is printed on my business cards, I’d have to notify a ton of people, and I would be totally tied to that cell phone that I can never find. Besides, if I give up my land line, how will I find my stupid cell phone?

CDs and DVDs. We “goldies” still like them. Get rid of them? Are ya kidding me? They’re relatively new technology for us. It seems like we just got comfortable using them – and now they are passe. Hey, we disposed of our cassettes, didn’t we? I look at the stacks of CDs and DVDs and think how wasteful it is to just chuck all that music and those movies for new technology. When my car was new seven years ago, it was days before I realized it didn’t have a CD player. I was devastated. Now if someone were to sit down with me and teach me how to stream music to my phone AND to my home system, I would consider disposal but not until.

Greeting cards. Yup, I still send them. I like the personal touch of just the right picture and sassy (or sentimental) words. Besides, Hallmark is a privately held company. I guess I feel an obligation to keep the Kansas City Hall family in their millions.

We still use photo albums. A lot of us do, but I’ve begun tossing mine. I’ve asked my children for one of those doohickeys that play all your favorite photos on an unending loop. Now that I think of it, those machines are becoming staple items in the living rooms of … mostly seniors. Oh well, it’s a step up.

Cable TV. Hmmpf! I can tell you that is short-lived in our household. Our cable performance is inconsistent and unresponsive, it has hit our fury button too often. Just as soon as I find the genius who can hook us up to both streaming and the local stations, it’s hasta la vista, baby.

Plastic bags at the supermarket. I’m working hard to remember to carry my tote bags into the store. I know if I lived in New York State I’d be paying for paper bags routinely. But I’m getting better. At least the totes have made it to the car.

And lastly, we read newspapers. Yes, we do! Although I do read two of them online, I like my local daily in my hands and I’m not alone. Recent reports state that papers are going to be around for a while, at least until the last baby boomer is dead and buried.

I think that most of our hesitancy boils down to having to learn new technology. The constant change is unsettling, and besides, it runs counter to our comfort zone. What’s wrong with wallowing in what is familiar? And choosing contentment over struggling? Nothing. I have made my decision on this. I will learn what I must at a pace that I choose.

Meanwhile, if those quiet golden years were supposed to lead us to the luxury of relaxation, I’m all in. It’s probably the last luxury I can still easily afford.

Marcy O’Brien can be reached at Moby.32@hotmail.com.