I truly regret having to write this. I really do. Especially given the wonderful job PennDOT did with the Hickory Street Bridge Project. But now, regrettably, we are at the other end of the scale with the despoilment of the intersection at Market Street and Pennsylvania Avenue. Driving by the detour signs for this calamity is like being repeatedly poked in the eye with a sharp stick.

First of all, let me anticipate some of the counterarguments to this letter. “You should have attended the meetings.”

I did go to one in the incredibly jam-packed council chambers. My immediate thought was “too small a venue.” I listened to the PennDOT people long enough to discern that they were married to their circular nightmare and decided staying to comment would be fruitless. (But a huge thank you to the late Jim Zavinski for trying to protect downtown).

“PennDOT presented statistics that traffic circles are no more dangerous than standard intersections (except for “fender benders”). I would refer to Mark Twain’s observation that there are three kinds of lies: “Lies, Damnable Lies, and Statistics.” Where were these traffic circles located? Outer Podunk?

“PennDOT followed the legal process.” And the process obviously failed the citizens of Warren miserably in this case. More below.

Basically two options were reviewed.A more sophisticated standard intersection with traffic lights versus the ridiculous roundabout now under construction. Since the roundabout (traffic circle) was the more expensive choice (adding insult to injury), I have dubbed it “Rip Off Roundabout.” You don’t have to be a traffic engineer or an urban planner to understand why the roundabout was the much more unsatisfactory option. You only need common sense, a rare commodity at the deliberations for this thing apparently.

A traffic light is the very paradigm of simplicity and clarity. Drivers only have to look at it to know what to do. If the light is red, you stop. If it’s green, you have the legal right to proceed. You don’t have to estimate or guess at anything. It’s right there in front of you. And it requires traffic to stop intermittently, giving pedestrians a fighting chance.

A roundabout, on the other hand, is the embodiment of complexity and ambiguity, a virtual beehive of constant vehicular motion. There are several steps in negotiating a traffic circle.

First, at the approach to the circle, your attention is drawn away from your path of travel as you attempt to ascertain how busy the circle is and what your chances are of entering it.

Next, as you approach the actual circle, your attention is necessarily drawn to the left while your vehicle is headed to the right. This is probably only about a second or two, but just long enough for tragedy to strike. Cars don’t stop, so there is no interval of safety for pedestrians. Perhaps a small memorial could be included adjacent to the “Rip Off Roundabout” to commemorate the pedestrian fatalities.

Once you have obtained the circle, you are forced to appraise the intentions of the other drivers attempting to do the same. Kind of like a circular version of bumper cars at the amusement park. This foolish design lacks even the vestigial control of the four way stop only a block away.

Another really fun aspect of roundabouts is figuring out where to exit them as you can’t stop, and the signage goes by too quickly to apprehend its meaning. More than once on these foolish things my wife has exclaimed to me in amazement, “How did you know to get off there?!?” I am sure our outsized senior population in Warren will find riding the “Rip Off” highly entertaining.

Finally, as you exit the circular psychological torture chamber, your death grip on the wheel can relax and you can breathe a sigh of relief as things return to normal. Even your blood pressure. Maybe.

In all seriousness, I have two predictions in regard to “Rip Off Roundabout.”

First, I predict the first pedestrian fatality will occur within a year of April 2023. I was going to make that a year from when “Rip Off” was going to be fully open to traffic, but as I become more fully aware of the erratic nature of the construction detours, I see the odds increasing exponentially. For some reason, I envision a young mother as the first victim.

My second prediction is that businesses will be forced to close by this monstrosity. If you ever visit the traffic circle in Tallmadge, Ohio, you will immediately be struck by the similarity of the businesses adjacent to it. They are all closed. It just proves too difficult to negotiate the circular obstacle course and figure out how to access those businesses at the same time. It is just too dangerous. Especially if you’re turning into one of those businesses with someone riding your tail, and a young mother suddenly steps out in front of you. It’s like you need a “decompression lane” that carries you a safe distance from the roundabout before you can accurately assess your situation and maneuver safely. A roundabout simply ignores human behavior as a design factor.

Finally, as no more than a passing thought, I wish the people who proposed this abomination and those who voted for it could be held directly responsible for its consequences. That upon each instance of pedestrian fatality, they be brought up on charges of negligent homicide, and that for each business forced to close, they be made personally financially responsible by being forced to compensate those business owners from their own bank accounts. Not their agencies or separate government entities. Them personally. There is no malice intended in these statements. I am just trying to drive home the gravity with which the consideration of “Rip Off” should have engendered.

General George S. Patton once said that fixed fortifications were monuments to man’s stupidity. Well, it appears the design team at PennDOT and the council members who voted for this travesty have their monument.

As for the rest of us, we just get to sit on it and spin (or should I say revolve?) until such a time as the true extent of this mistake becomes more painfully obvious. In the meantime, those detour signs will continue to offend, given the nature of the disaster they portend. The residents and business owners downtown as well as any tourists brave enough to come to visit have my deepest sympathy,

Steven A. Sigmund is a Warren resident.