I think you’d like “Edsie”. He’s a buddy from college days; I’ve known him for more than 50 years. We still get together from time to time.

He was a high school teacher for about 35 years. He was married for about 25 before losing his beloved wife to cancer. He finished raising three neat kids by himself.

We got together with some mutual friends several years ago. His kids had graduated from college and he decided to retire. We hadn’t chatted for a while. Penny asked Ed: “So, what’s new with you?” He said: “I’m going to seminary; I’m going to become a Priest.” (And we’re talking Catholic Priest here….) And he just did that.

He was assigned a parish near his hometown in Connecticut and has been serving there for several years.

This weekend, he shared the story about when the time came for his daughter to get married. He asked her: “Do you want me to be the Dad or the Priest?” She wanted him to be the Dad. She wanted him to walk her down the aisle.

He told how, just as they rounded the corner to head down the aisle, she asked: “Dad, do you have any advice for me?” Father Ed said it occurred to him that the question might have been a little more appropriate and helpful if she had asked it a little earlier. Maybe a few minutes, or hours, or days, or weeks earlier….

But he responded. He said to her: “Look to the good.” Wow. Where did that come from? Divine intervention, maybe? I got a little choked up as he told the story and jotted down the advice.

One of the reasons the comment was so meaningful and poignant to me was because it reminded me of a strategy used in couples counseling. After determining whether the people really wanted to stay in the relationship and allowing some time for each person to tell what they thought was wrong with it, I’d ask what was right about the marriage. (What was the “good.”)

The answer was usually: “W-e-l-l-l-l-l….” They stalled. They didn’t want to talk about what was good! They wanted to talk about what was wrong, they wanted to assign blame to the other, and establish what the other person had to do for the relationship to survive. I might get: “She’s good with the kids….” Or: “He brings his paycheck home….” But that was about it. They simply can’t or won’t “look to the good.”

Think about the relationships you have. Think of the best ones. Do you “look to the good?” I’ll bet you do. Focusing on the good is uplifting. It really can help build and maintain relationships.

It’s so easy to focus on the annoying. We even allow negative “little things” to add up to big things. “I just couldn’t take it any more!” So why don’t we handle positive “little things” the same way? Are we even aware of all of them? What are we taking for granted? If we don’t pay attention to the positive, it’s eroded away by the negative.

If we “look to the good,” as wise Father Ed recommends, it tends to balance the negative things we’re so aware of. Why wouldn’t we want to do that?

“Look to the good.” Good “fathering” Father Ed – a couple ways.