Once upon a time, a man came to talk to Tim about work. I didn’t much care for him so I kept busy in the other room. Tim talked with him about the kind of work he could do. I listened as the man talked about what a hard worker he was. “A very hard worker, unlike some”…and before you knew it, the man was railing against black people. That’s not what he called them but he couldn’t abide them. They were lazy to a fault and offensive to “decent people like myself”.

Those last four words are his own words. Not paraphrased. “Decent people like myself.”

I was getting increasingly angry in the office. Tim was getting increasingly quiet in the foyer. The man began to sound less sure of his words when Tim did not chime in to agree with him, and he finally left.

I’ve met a few racists in my day, but this guy was bad. I called out to Tim, “Don’t you ever let that man in my house again, unless you’re okay with me tearing into him.” Tim said, “He won’t be in this house again.” And he wasn’t.

Imagine my surprise, later, to discover that this self described “decent person” was a very bad man, a violent felon. He was the last person in the world to be judging the decency of anyone else, but there he was, proudly holding forth his opinions.

It’s interesting to me how people can do that, but it happens all the time. The girl at work complains about a coworker. She cannot stand the fact that the woman’s a backstabber. Goes on a great length about her. Not to her face of course. Behind her back, like a backstabber. It makes me laugh. She doesn’t seem to understand that her own behavior makes her point invalid.

I don’t care what the man who works for the drug dealer on Madison Avenue thinks of me. His career choice makes his opinion of anybody else invalid. It certainly doesn’t matter to me.

The list goes on and on, but my point is, your opinions lose a lot of validity when you are a person behaving or speaking badly. I know this because I am not perfect and my hot head and quick tongue have lost me many a battle (right, Jon Sitler?)

Anyone who reads this column knows how I feel about the current political situation. People have some strong opinions about what I write and they have complained. It’s their right to speak up, just as it is my right to speak up. But the fact is if they think that Donald Trump was sent by God to make America great again, well, their opinion doesn’t carry any merit with me. I don’t imagine that my opinion carries any weight with them either, so fair’s fair, I guess.

I am part of the resistance. I make my calls. I send my post cards. I say what I have to say. I write what I have to write. I feel that it’s my responsibility as an American and it is gratifying to me to find that I am not alone in my convictions.

During a recent facebook exchange, a person from a group I’d attended made a comment about legalizing drugs, to give them all the drugs they wanted. She went on to say that we needed someone to pick our strawberries and scrub our subways and when they OD’ed, oh well, it would be natural selection at work.

I was dumbfounded. This was the sort of thing I’d expect to hear from a right wing radical, but there it was presented in a public forum in all its unvarnished ugliness by someone I considered a peer.

I voiced my outrage immediately. Her response was to claim that I didn’t understand her sense of humor. She pointed out another comment she had made earlier, one less controversial, one that she had made in response to a comment I had made. I guess the point she was making is that philosophically, we were in agreement. I had my doubts but everyone blurts stupid things from time to time, and so I let it slide.

Warily, I decided to physically distance myself from the group itself while continuing to follow the action plans that I receive by e-mail.

It’s been another tumultuous week in government. The recent vote to debate the overhaul of the ACA caused a lot of consternation. I made my calls in advance but the vote to begin debate passed by one vote. John McCain made some brave statements that he did not back up with his votes. It was a disappointing day.

Later on facebook, a thread strongly denounced John McCain. My hot headed peer added her thoughts in very strong terms and concluded with “When he dies, I will not feel sorry at all.”

Whoa.

John McCain is a man who doesn’t really have the spark in him to make a stand but he’s served our country in a military capacity. He’s been a presidential candidate. A good family man. He’s been a man untainted by scandals. Like all of us, I think he’s tried to be a good person, to do good things with his life, but (also like all of us) he has fallen short in areas.

The man has cancer and the odds are not in his favor. Now I don’t know him personally, so if he dies I may not going to grieve for him but I know one thing for certain: I would be respectful.

Once again, I found myself disagreeing vehemently with someone I thought shared my political beliefs.

The claims was made that Republicans are hateful and greedy. I responded that I did not think that condoned stooping to their level. I was lectured about showing ‘fight’, that turning the other cheek will not save us. I wrote one last comment. ‘“when he dies, I won’t be sorry at all.” That says way more about you and your heart than it does about him. I have plenty of fight in me, but I won’t stoop to that level.’ After that, I left the conversation.

I hold to it. In these ugly days what we say matters, what we do matters, what we are matters.

I will continue to make my phone calls, mail my postcards, say what I have to say, write what I have to write. I don’t expect everyone to agree, but if you cannot make your point without name calling or being hateful, your opinion will carry no weight with me, no matter what side you’re on.