I grew up essentially with two mothers – my biological mother and my grandmother. There was never a doubt in my mind that I was loved by both of them. At times it was very difficult to please both of them, but I did my best.

Grandma was responsible for my daily care. My mother worked at a dairy as a bookkeeper. Her day off was Thursday. When I was not in school that was our day to do things together. Sometimes we went to the beach. Sometimes we went shopping. Sometimes we worked around the house taking care of the details that needed to be done.

As a result of grandma being my caregiver we became very close. Grandma and Grandpa always shopped on Wednesday, his day off. I remember going down the aisles of the stores looking at everything. When Grandma was picking out meat she was very careful. She inspected each piece carefully before making her choice. If she went to the meat market that was different. Then she asked the butcher for what she wanted. He would show her a piece and she would either say yes or no.

Sometimes we would go the farm stands for the fresh things when they were in season. She chose just as carefully there. She always smelled of the melons to be sure they were ripe. She peeled back the corn husks to look at the ears. That is how I learned to shop.

If Grandma asked if I would like something I answered but I knew that I should not beg for anything even though my mother was contributing to the cost of the groceries.

Sometimes Grandma went shopping with her sisters. My mother’s cousin would drive them to Buffalo or Jamestown to shop. Of course, since I was with Grandma I went along. Those sisters were very good to me. I think they filled my dollhouse with furniture buying just a piece at a time. I remember getting to pick out several of the pieces. I have an office chair that I picked out on one excursion, and a washing machine I found another time. Then, there was a baby buggy that I picked out another time and a sewing machine. That made my day trip that much better.

If we went to Jamestown we always went to Billing’s Bakery. The smell was wonderful and there were cases filled with cookies and pastries. Usually we bought Scorpor. They always gave me a cookie. I was not allowed to pick the one I wanted they just handed me a round cookie with jelly and a little icing. I did not like them, but I always said thank you anyway. When we got outside I gave it to one of the sisters.

I remember well the day Grandma died. It was the day after Christmas very early in the morning. My husband had just arrived home from the barn and we were talking and watching television. All of a sudden I had this sick feeling and I told him something was wrong. It was just minutes until I received the phone call saying Grandma was gone. Up to this point in my life that is the only death I can say that I felt.

My mother on the other hand was in a care facility. The children and I spent the day at her apartment trying to clean it out. The manager had called and asked that I do it even though I had paid her rent. That day we just felt like we were spinning our wheels. We picked things up and put them down without making decisions. It was hard. She was still alive. Was she going to need these things?

The decision came that evening. We all went to the home to see Grandma. She visited with us apparently enjoying the moments. I kissed her good-by before we left. I received a phone call that she was gone as soon as I got home.

When I think about my mother I picture the mother that was active and laughing. I do not want to remember her as she was in the home. I was relieved when I saw her at the funeral home. She looked like I wanted to remember her.

It was a blessing and a curse that I had these two ladies in my life. I learned from each of them and I learned different things. Grandma was of Dutch heritage. She even washed down her front steps. I did not take after her in this manner. I sweep the porch, but since it is concrete I do not wash it.

My mother was probably the most giving person I ever knew. She gave and gave and it made her happy. When she won a contest around Christmas time she used her prizes to get something for all of us. I still have the quilt rack she chose for me. Jill still has the doll buggy that was her gift. She was not really into dolls at the time but she gave the pets rides around the porch. Todd got a racing set for his Matchbox cars. That is still around, too. Of course, mother got things for herself, too. I remember a small stool that she set in front of her favorite chair. I am sure there were other things, but I do not remember. Imagine that – it is only forty years ago now.

I had the best of two worlds. Much thanks to those two ladies who were my role models. They instilled my faith in me teaching me by example. I will be forever grateful.

Ann Swanson writes from her home in Russell, PA. Contact at hickoryheights1@verizon.net.