An occasional collection of vignettes from events and public meetings in Warren County that never make it into news stories because…well, you’ll see.

Hello, Wilbur

At meetings of the Warren County Commissioners, the commissions like to welcome visitors. At a recent meeting, as a commissioner was progressing around the table, he came to a familiar face. He gave a deferential — Mister, then followed up with a familiar first name. Sounded kinda like he was talking to a horse. “Hello, Mr. Ed.”

The creeps?

Free money sounds good. But, there are almost always strings attached to grants and some can be scary. During a discussion of Community Development Block Grant (CDBG) funding, one official got the abbreviation right. That surprised him. He said, “I always want to say CBGBs.”

Hacked

The newsroom is not a stranger to invitations to become involved in overseas ventures. From providing assistance to wealthy people on their deathbeds looking to send money to worthy causes in the United States to persecuted princes just looking to get money out of the country, we’ve been offered millions. Those offers don’t usually come from offices in state government. To protect their privacy, we won’t say which state’s (not Pennsylvania’s) Department of Children and Families tried to get us to buy or broker “some kilograms of pure gold dust” from Ghana and Sierra Leone.

Deposited

We wonder how disappointed the person who came into possession of an old ATM was to find it not freshly stocked with U.S. currency. We also wonder if dozens of hikers and other recreationists were similarly disappointed when they saw that machine lying in the woods devoid of cash. We, however, are certain that we are disappointed that someone made a deposit of the machine in the woods near Clarendon. Fines for littering are appropriate even if the litter was once a money machine.

Moving experience

Stairs are good. But, sometimes, the elevator is the most convenient option. During a recent visit to a Warren County institution, a reporter found himself on an elevator. It was only a two-story ride. As he stepped in, he noticed there wasn’t a lot of light in the little metal box. As the door closed, there was even less. It was dark. No light showing. The reporter did a slow spin while talking to himself about how cool the experience was. For some, being locked in a moving, pitch dark box might be a problem, so the reporter mentioned it to staff as he left.

Against the flow

During a particularly windy day, a reporter was looking out the windshield of his vehicle at the Allegheny River. Something was wrong. The whitecaps on the tiny waves were moving in the wrong direction. The water seemed to be flowing from the Warren General Hospital area toward Hickory Street. Whoa.