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Intercountynental Potato Champion

I am the champion.

During the second annual Intercountynental Potato Peeling Championship held Friday on Liberty Street, I was the fastest peeler.

It was my second year as part of the United Fund’s Torchlight Campaign Kickoff event.

As a founding participant, I had an idea how things would go.

Picture this: I start peeling the five pounds of potatoes in my bucket. I get less than halfway done and someone declares that they have finished. So, I lost the ‘fastest’ category. I change tactic and carefully finish up, aiming at one of the two remaining trophies – longest peel and best percentage (least potato lost in the peeling process).

Along the way, I slice my thumb open.

Then, since there are several pairs of hands more deft than mine with a knife, I lose the remaining categories.

That’s how it went last year.

I needed to improve.

Well, I did. I didn’t lose any blood. The Band-Aids that were (partly in jest) brought for me were needed by another participant.

But, I wanted more. I wanted to win. I didn’t need to be grand champion and take home multiple trophies. One would be enough.

Which one?

I’ve seen the other peelers. They don’t leave a lot of potato on their peelings. That one’s probably out.

I could have set my eyes on the longest peel – I think I could swing that with some careful planning and effort.

But, I figured fastest would be easiest.

Not because the other peelers aren’t skilled. They assuredly are – as I assuredly am not.

No. I figured I could win because there aren’t many rules.

You have to remove the skin. You have to do it faster than the others.

While my opponents were gently removing slivers of skin, I made six cuts per potato and chopped my potatoes into cubes.

They were beautiful – not a bit of skin on any of them. Every other competitor had obvious red skin showing on their potatoes.

What was really important was I was the first one done within the limits of the rules.

My fellow competitors were gracious in defeat. Even Gale Lindell – defending speed champion. She had her potatoes peeled very shortly after I did and she actually peeled them.

Lindell narrowly missed out on the efficiency trophy in a four-way battle. I think she retained 87 percent of her spuds.

I was closer to 30 percent.

But I was faster. I had plenty of time to eat some of my ‘peelings’ as I waited for the others to finish.

Unless there’s some kind of post-competition performance enhancement test that I am not aware of, they can’t take away my potato necklace and ‘Well Done’ cone.

Speaking of performance enhancing, if they invite me back, I’m thinking I’ll need power tools next year.

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