‘As long as you’re happy…’
“As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.”
That is a supportive, nice statement that we have all probably said or heard at least a few times in our lives. But is it what we really needed to hear, or just what we wanted to?
On the surface, “As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters,” appears to be a positive response to give someone who is typically making a decision that will change the direction or condition of their life going forward.
The phrase itself is not bad, and the people who say it are not bad either.
The problem lies in the general distant unattached context of the phrase.
When we are about to make an important life decision, we typically tell those who are closest to us. Whether it be family or friends, we all have a few or several people in our lives that we tell the big stuff to first. We do so, for many reasons. It can be because they have always been able to keep the conversations private, or perhaps because they are just a really good listener.
But something tells me, most people confide in the ones closest to them because they are the people who know them best. They are the few individuals that will be truthful and honest with this life shift. They will want what is best for you, both short term and long term. As well as give you the positives along with negatives of the situation. We tell these people because of essentially a mutual love and respect between us and them.
Why then, do we occasionally fall into the trap of listening more to the people who think our current “happiness” is all that matters.
That is a bit trickier, because those people have unbridled support with no precautions or hesitations that tends to make us bring them into our inner-circle. We recklessly make them into trusted confidants of ours on this new journey. They don’t question our maturity, intelligence, or decision making. They simply want us to be smiling in the specific moment.
Maybe it isn’t bad to have a couple of these people around you to keep moral up, but for truthful caring support, they are not the ones to go to.
They are the proverbial yes-man.
The yes-man can be everything we want in a person and nothing we need. The yes-man is someone who will watch us walk into a burning building and never attempt to extinguish the obvious flames, as long as we are happy doing so.
Sometimes it can be difficult to hear that our new life has flaws or that there may be future bumps in the road because of decisions we are making now based on emotions of present day and reactions of who we were up to this point. And we are all ultimately responsible for our own actions, even if we have a gaggle of people telling us how right we are, that has seemingly disappeared when we were wrong.
The beauty of those closest to us, those who will tell us the truth, is that despite their occasionally brash approaches to decisions we are making, we know that they are looking out for us.
The yes-man stating that, “as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters,” is passive and dismissive. And it may be difficult to understand, but sometimes, our own pure unbridled happiness is not all that matters in life. And if it is, then we have to question whether or not we are being egoistical or narcissistic.
Keep in mind, I am not a psychologist, but merely an observational individual that understands the basic mentality of those close to me and at a distance, based on my own experiences.
We are presently bearing witness to the full effects of narcissism in politics and Hollywood. We are witnessing egotistical individuals who surround themselves with head nodding puppets that agree with any and every statement and decision that they make. All with the outlook that their happiness being all the matters.
You mustn’t look deep into our history, to discover a time when some of the now inappropriate and vulgar act of debasing men and women through undesired verbal and physical advances were relatively acceptable. These acts and their offenders were able to keep their unsullied reputations intact despite their unacceptable behavior because those around them were choosing not to step forward. Instead they view what they saw through the same scope of, “as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.”
Now perhaps for the everyday person, that is on the extreme end of the scale, but the point of the matter remains the same. Had enough of those close to them, been aware of these acts and refused to be yes-men, they may have ceased.
Obviously, they too, may have, chosen to ignore the non-worshipping voices, but it would be at a cost?
I am a firm believer that most morally guided people will not sacrifice loved ones to appease their own ego. However, some do. Ultimately, they can only do that so many times before they have no one left around them that truly appreciates the person they were, are, and could become.
It is important to remain positive in life, and continuously set out on new challenges, with new goals to meet. If the position you are in now is not one you enjoy or are comfortable in, you absolutely have to try to change it. But do so cautiously. As we may feel at times that we have no support, no one close to us, and are unloved, often we have support from those so close they are overlooked, but have loved you throughout all your peaks and valleys in life.
Let those who love you the most be heard now, because some day, if ignored, there may no longer be a voice left to hear.