Behold! The 2010 NFL Season, Week 14.
N.Y Giants (8-4) at Minnesota (5-7), 1 p.m. How old is Brett Favre? He uses Roman numerals under "birth date" on his driver's license: BOTTOM LINE: N.Y. Giants by 2.
Tampa Bay (7-5) at Washington (5-7), 1 p.m. Tampa lost its center? Josh Freeman don't need no stinking center. BOTTOM LINE: Tampa Bay by 2.
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Cleveland (5-7) at Buffalo (2-10), 1 p.m. It would be in the Bills' best interest to lose every game for the rest of the season. But since when have the Buffalo Bills done anything in their best interest in the last 10 years? BOTTOM LINE: Buffalo by 1.
Green Bay (8-4) at Detroit (2-10), 1 p.m. What's there to say? Really? BOTTOM LINE: Green Bay by 6.
Oakland (6-6) at Jacksonville (7-5), 1 p.m. Curious to see what the competition is saying about the Jags, Planet Sooth went to check out Chris Berman's "Swami Sez" via Google. Except we accidentally typed in "Swami Sex." BOTTOM LINE: Jacksonville by 3.
Cincinnati (2-10) at Pittsburgh (9-3), 1 p.m. James Harrison believes Baltimore guard Chris Chester deliberately went after him while being called for a false-start penalty during an extra point attempt last Sunday night. Chester came off the line and drove at Harrison, who said it was the perfect time to target him because the infraction only draws a 5-yard penalty. "It was uncalled for and cheap," Harrison said Thursday. Oh, really? And what do you call a linebacker who repeatedly punches a defenseless player lying on the ground beneath him during a Super Bowl? It rhymes with Lypocrite. BOTTOM LINE: Pittsburgh by 3.
Atlanta (10-2) at Carolina (1-11), 1 p.m. One document guaranteed not to show up on Wikileaks this week: a winning game plan by the Carolina Panthers. BOTTOM LINE: Atlanta by 7.
Seattle (6-6) at San Francisco (4-8), 4:05 p.m. The Mike Singletary experiment? A complete failure. It's time to shake things up and bring in someone with an iron will who can turn things around in San Francisco. Someone with no tolerance for incompetence. Accept your destiny, 49ers: Burgermeister Meisterberger is he whom you seek. BOTTOM LINE: San Francisco by 4.
St. Louis (6-6) at New Orleans (9-3), 4:05 p.m. A loss by Seattle and loss by the Rams puts the NFC West frontrunners at 6-7. BOTTOM LINE: New Orleans by 9.
Kansas City (8-4) at San Diego (6-6), 4:15 p.m. Oh, Norv. BOTTOM LINE: San Diego by 7.
Denver (3-9) Arizona (3-9), 4:15 p.m. Ugh. BOTTOM LINE: Denver by 3.
New England (10-2) at Chicago (9-3), 4:15 p.m. Vegas has New England 3:1 to win the Super Bowl. BOTTOM LINE: New England by 4.
Miami (6-6) at N.Y. Jets (9-3), 4:15 p.m. Not knocking the Jets, but allow us to play devil's advocate: they're three plays away from being 6-6 in 2010. BOTTOM LINE: N.Y. Jets by 5.
Philadelphia at Dallas (4-8), 8:20 p.m. New England-Philadelphia Super Bowl? BOTTOM LINE: Philadelphia by 3.
Baltimore (8-4) at Houston (5-7), 8:30 p.m. (Mon.) Planet Sooth lost all respect for Joe Flacco last Sunday night. Seriously, Flacco - how do you NOT know where Troy Polamalu is on the field before a snap? He's the only one sporting a fur shower curtain for a 'do, you buffoon. You deserved to be strip sacked. In fact, it would have been perfectly acceptable if Polamula not only strip sacked you, but mounted your head on the end of a 15-foot spear and carried it around the backfield like a triumphing Roman general. BOTTOM LINE: Baltimore by 3.
Last Week: 9-6 overall, 6-9 against the spread. Season: 111-72, 88-95.