By DEAN WELLS
When we last left the bizarre denizens of Planet Sooth, they were hunkered down in their top secret headquarters, deep beneath the future site of the first Marcellus Shale natural gas environmental disaster, furiously working away on a battered computer.
"What are you two dolts doing?" growled Papa Sooth as he swept into the room in his favorite Erik Estrada singlet and saw his two minions laboring over their project with a screwdriver and a soldering iron. They appeared to be putting together some sort of large round cage with a door the size of a manhole cover.
"The hamster died," Juan, Planet Sooth Intern, said as he touched the soldering gun to the metal.
"What hamster?"
"The hamster in the computer that made it run," said Gomez, Captain of SSC's Imperial Guard.
"Where in God's name did you find a computer that runs on a hamster?"
"The WTO gave it to us."
"Oh." Papa nodded. "Sure. What's with the big wheel?"
"We wanted to upgrade," Juan said.
Papa Sooth took a nervous step backward toward the door, eyeing the gigantic cage.
"Upgraded with what?"
There was a low throaty growl from the shadows in the back of the room.
"A bigfoot," Gomez said as he put the finishing touches on the door's hinges.
Behold! The 2010 NFL Season, Week 8.
Denver (2-5) at San Francisco (1-6), 1 p.m. Mike Singletary climbed onto the plane to London this week, preaching that the 49ers can still win their division. He climbed off in England and said the same thing to reporters. This can mean only one thing: he is gone completely bat $(@$* crazy. BOTTOM LINE: Denver by 1.
Washington (4-3) at Detroit (1-5), 1 p.m. The Kip Wells Bobblehead Pick of the Week. BOTTOM LINE: Washington by 3.
Buffalo (0-6) at Kansas City (4-2), 1 p.m. Look on the bright side, Buffalo fans: no fifth Super Bowl loss. BOTTOM LINE: Kansas City by 7.
Carolina (1-5) at St. Louis (3-4), 1 p.m. It's a rough season when you find yourself missing Jake Delhomme. BOTTOM LINE: St. Louis by 2.
Miami (3-3) at Cincinnati (2-4), 1 p.m. No worries, Miami the paid-off refs are in New Orleans on Sunday. BOTTOM LINE: Miami by 2.
Jacksonville (3-4) at Dallas (1-5), 1 p.m. The Jon Kitna era begins! BOTTOM LINE: Dallas by 5.
Green Bay (3-3) at N.Y. Jets (5-1), 1 p.m. The Jets are the best team in football. BOTTOM LINE: N.Y. Jets by 4.
Tennessee (5-2) at San Diego (2-5), 4:05 p.m. Norv Turner must go. BOTTOM LINE: Tennessee by 3.
Minnesota (2-4) at New England (5-1), 4:15 p.m. No lie: there is a figurine for sale on the Internet known as the "4-inch Brett Favre." BOTTOM LINE: New England by 5.
Seattle (4-2) at Oakland (3-4), 4:15 p.m. The Raiders need to score another 59 points this week so Al Davis can turn back over in his grave. BOTTOM LINE: Oakland by 2.
Tampa Bay (4-2) at Arizona (3-3), 4:15 p.m. Clear a spot in the Hall of Fame Planet Sooth has Josh Freeman Fever!!! BOTTOM LINE: Tampa Bay by 1.
Pittsburgh (5-1) at New Orleans (4-3), 8:20 p.m. At what point do the refs stop pretending and start high-fiving the Steelers after calls and play reviews? BOTTOM LINE: New Orleans by 2.
Houston (4-2) at Indianapolis (4-2), 8:30 p.m. (Mon.) Is it us, or is Peyton Manning's forehead growing larger by the week? You could install a windfarm between his nose and hairline. BOTTOM LINE: Indianapolis by 4.
Last week: 9-5 overall, 6-8 against the spread. Season: 61-42, 47-56.