Who’s In Control?
Family Services class teaches techniques to manage your angerBy LYDIA COTTRELL lcottrell@timesobserver.com
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"People don't know how to disagree well," according to Ian Eastman.
That concept seems to be the driving force behind the Anger Management Group facilitated by Eastman, a community educator for Family Services of Warren County.
The first run of the Anger Management Group wrapped up recently. The group reflected a new effort Family Services is doing in cooperation with the court and justice system as a means to allow offenders to work constructively on their anger issues and learn new skills to manage conflict and stress in productive ways. The piloting of the program was made possible through a grant from the DeFrees Family Foundation.
"Everybody gets angry," Eastman said. However, in the case of the seven participants, he said, "The anger is starting to negatively impact their life."
The group met for six sessions of an hour and a half each. Over the course of each session, Eastman engaged the group into discovering the triggers of aggression and underlying emotions behind the anger.
The final session began with Eastman asking each participant how their week went and where their anger peaked. Using the "anger-meter", participants tracked their anger using a scale of 0 to 10.
"Ten means you don't care about the consequences," Eastman explained.
As participant John recounted his week, he said he peaked at a 9 as a person threw garbage in his yard. While 9 is high, Eastman said it was good John didn't hit a 10 and explode into a rage.
"I used the tool you taught me. I took a step back and thought about the consequences," John said.
"That's a victory," Eastman told John.
John reported that stress-relieving techniques such as exercise and deep breathing were proving to be a positive force in his life.
The lesson of the final session revolved around conflict resolution. Specifically, Eastman was teaching the participants to be assertive rather than aggressive or passive.
"You have to think about how you're being received by people," he said.
Discussing non-verbal communication, the group identified body language, eye movement, breathing changes and facial expressions that could be perceived as aggressive.
"Some of those things can be subtle...like clenched fists," Eastman said. "We want to think about how the other person feels."
He described aggressive with the following mindset: "What I want is more important than what you want."
Instead, Eastman encouraged the participants to use an assertive approach: "What I want and think is important but what you want is important, too."
Eastman provided a model for conflict resolution consisting of the following steps:
Identify the problem causing the conflict.
Identify the feelings associated with the conflict.
Identify the impact of the problem.
Decide whether to resolve the conflict.
Work for the resolution by identifying how you would want the problem solved and if a compromised is needed.
To illustrate his point, Eastman acted out a role play with Family Services Executive Director Gary Lester. In the scenario, Eastman was driving himself and Lester to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. However, Lester was always running late, causing both to be late for the meeting.
During the role play Eastman explained to Lester that being late for meetings could result in repercussion with their probation officers. Lester exhibited negative body language by crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. Lester then deflected and blamed Eastman's faulty watch. Throughout the role play, Eastman demonstrated how to remain calm and bring the other person down to his level.
"That was an ideal situation. It's not always going to go that good using a model like that. But it is going to improve your chances," Eastman said.
Following the role play, John explained how the sessions have taught him to think outside of himself and consider the consequences and other people involved.
"You can see the whole picture. It's bigger than it ever was," he said.
As the last session wrapped up, Eastman and the participants reflected on what was learned.
"Basically, think before you act," participant Josh said.
Eastman gave the group a handout sheet that summed up the tools they have learned to manage anger.
"Now it's an opportunity for you guys. This is just the beginning. Now you can put it into practice," Eastman said.
Editor's Note: The names of class participants were changed to protect their identity.
