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The Trickle - Feb. 4

February 4, 2009 - Brian Ferry

That's just Manny being Greedy

I'm not sure what Manny Ramirez (not to be confused with any of Mork's children) is looking for in a contract, but I guess it's not $25 million. Unless you're willing to say, "I wouldn't play for your team at any price," you should not turn down $25 million. What kind of lifestyle does this guy lead that he needs to get his 8 figures spread out over three years? Shouldn't $25 million this year and a, presumably, similar deal next year be not worth sneezing at? He's what, 36 years old? Is he holding out for a longer contract because he wants to feel some loyalty to a city/team/organization (why start now?) or because he figures he can't compete at a high level past one year? His numbers in the second half of last season were ridiculous, I admit. He's an amazing hitter. My advice: Take the $25 million and stay with a team and fans that appreciate you. If you don't at least leave with a modicum of grace. Furthermore, if you need a financial advisor, I'd be happy to help you make wise choices for the low, low price of 0.5 percent of your pay next year. After that, I may have to renegotiate if I do a good job.

A mistake of Phelpsian proportions

While I'm talking about bad decisions, Michael Phelps is clamoring for some attention. Here it is: don't do drugs; don't do things that are bad for your body; don't act as a disappointing role model. I don't understand the pressure that a world-class athlete is under and I don't know what it's like to go from being the most popular man alive to being yesterday's news. However, there surely must be things you can do that you enjoy that are neither illegal nor terribly damaging to your image. Hire me and I'll provide advice that, if followed, will keep you out of the tabloids (for negative things). (Free advice: take up volleyball. Disclaimer: playing volleyball can wreck your knees and shoulders.) I don't know how much you make, but those endorsements have to add up. You can probably afford me. I'll help with advice on money, drugs, and photography. For a while there, it seemed like the greatest swimmer of all time was a personable, fairly clean-cut, role model type. Are there more skeletons in the closet? Any doping (not dope) allegations coming up? While I'm at it, any rich entertainers that seem to consistently make stupid choices (I can think of several) that want to contact me about making better ones is welcome to. Assuming you haven't already lost everything, I won't break the bank.

Fern Gully

I haven't had a chance to look that up yet. I'll get around to it, though perhaps I shouldn't. It doesn't sound so bad right now. While I think I'll stick with Mork, I want to use the word 'dude' in reference to my nemesis somewhere in this blog. I haven't found a decent way to fit it in. If I had, I would say something like, ...dude (not to be confused with Dude, one of the competitors at the National Canoe Championships a couple years back).

Playing nice

I don't often have to tell my kids to play nice. I usually reserve that advice for adults. Sometimes I should apply it to myself. Mork said some nice things about me in his blog. I refuse to drop to his level. I'm taking the high road. And dropping him off. "Six stories, 60 miles an hour, splat, like a scrambled egg." (A rather odd quote from someone I knew in high school. I think we were discussing hotel frisbee or whatever that incredibly stupid activity is called.) So tell me, old timer, what's Donkey Kong and why is it particularly on?


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