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January 2, 2013 - Brian Collins

Thanks to the wonderful invention we now call "smartphones," I have been able to get dumber and dumber with each passing day yet still somehow retain my ability to be referred to as a "human."

In the video above, I exemplify this claim.

On New Year's Day 2013, I was out enjoying all that Northwestern PA has to offer during the winter months: snow and football. While snowboarding down a short connector trail to a much larger hill, I used my cell phone to tune into the Outback Bowl in which my favorite college team, The Michigan Wolverines, was taking on the South Carolina somethingorotherswhocaresthey'renotMichigan team.

After watching the referees give Michigan an admittedly undeserved first down late in the game, I found myself cackling and not paying any attention whatsoever to where I was headed. That was when Jadeveon Clowney proved that, despite his last name, he is nothing to laugh at.

In one of the biggest hits I've seen all year (yes, including 2012), Clowney single-handedly "decapitated" Vincent Smith, caused a fumble, recovered the fumble, restored balance to the force, and caused me to go flipping down the hill as I struck a snow-covered rock.

Thank goodness for smartphones and headcams or else I wouldn't have been able to capture any of this on film.

Note: I maintain that I wouldn't have seen the rock, even if I had been paying attention to where I was going.


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