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Fourth hand?

Gary Lester

I’m not sure I have this completely figured out but it’s something like this: a friend told me a story that was told to her by a friend about something a friend of the friend had said. So, I think it’s third-hand to me and now fourth-hand to you. Or is it fifth….

And it probably has taken on some of the characteristics of the old “telephone” game where the messages change more and more as it’s re-told. (Remind me to tell you about the similar game where you write and draw passed-along messages.)

Anyway, the original story included a quote from an elderly person who said something like: “If I had my life to do over again… I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Wow. Just plain wow.

How many of us can say that? I’m most of the way through my life and probably “elderly” in some people’s eyes, but I sure can’t say that! Not yet, anyway. There are a lot of things I would do differently, I think. Maybe I should have become a chef. I remember that one of my favorite library books was a “Cookbook for Kids” and that was when I was in elementary school. I remember the timeframe because it was when my parents and neighbors took turns driving us to the library. I remember making some of the recipes and asking Mom why they didn’t look like the pictures in the book. “They never do….” she said. (I still love to cook….) Maybe I should have gone into forestry; I loved my experiences working in the woods and Christmas tree plantations in high school and college years. (I still love spending time in the woods….) Or maybe I should have taken up “personnel,” now “Human Resources.” (I still love studying group dynamics and teaching about establishing healthy relationships and working atmospheres….)

One thing I certainly would have done differently is learning how to study earlier than I did. I admire people who became history buffs or literature buffs because of high school or college studies. And all those theology and philosophy college classes! “C” level work isn’t good enough to instill it in the memory to the point where it can be useful or generate life-long interest.

At one point in my work life, I had opportunities to move to Boise or St. Thomas. I stayed here. Those changes seemed W-A-Y too big! But I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I had embraced such changes.

What about all those little things said and done, or not said and done? You know those ones that come to mind from time to time and you say to yourself: “Man, I wish I had handled THAT differently!”

That person wouldn’t change a thing? Wow, again.

There are lots of theories about what we need to lead successful lives. Abraham Maslow had a good one back in the ’40s. It’s usually depicted as a pyramid with broad, physiological needs on the bottom – food, clothing, and shelter-type stuff – then there’s safety, relationships, some sense of self-esteem, then, at the top, self-actualization. That apex has to do with becoming the most we can be. Some call it “mastery.” Some add the desire to share what’s been learned.

William Glasser has a version from the ’60s listing five basic needs; survival, love and belonging, power and achievement, freedom, and fun. People have different levels of these needs, but well-adjusted people literally have all that they need.

These theories seem to support the original idea: “I wouldn’t change a thing.”

As I thought about this, I found some comfort. Maybe we get to a point where we are content even with imperfections. Maybe we get to a point where we can forgive ourselves for our indiscretions. Maybe “good enough” is what it’s all about. I’m not there yet.

Gary Lester is a lifetime area resident, a former photographer for the Times-Observer, former market manager for WhirleyDrinkworks, retired Executive Director of Family Services of Warren County, and current Director of Leadership Warren County. He is a life-long student and commentator on human behavior.

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