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Elements

The periodic table of the elements is something I studied in high school but never really understood. I memorized what a bunch of the symbols stood for. I still remember some of the oddball ones like Fe for iron and Hg for mercury.

Mom helped me with some ways to remember some of them. She explained that Fe was Italian and came from “ferro” which meant iron. It was probably from Latin, but close enough. I remember that now because of Chiodo’s Ferro Cucina which refers to using cast iron skillets in their kitchen. “H.G.” was the nickname of a great-great grand uncle who ran a gas station. It was across the street from the house and he’d run over to pump gas for people. He ran around like mercury did in little (now too dangerous) maze games we had as kids.

Many symbols come from words from different languages and some are named after the people who discovered them. The shape of the table means something, the order of the elements and the way they’re grouped mean something. Well, all these things mean something to someone, anyway.

Everything on earth and elsewhere is made up of elements and new ones are still being discovered. You can make little diagrams connecting the elements together to represent the compound or item you’re considering. Then there are atoms, the simplest units of elements. You can split some of them to make energy and bombs. (Be glad I’m not the someone who’s messing around with this stuff. My path of destruction would have been significant by now.)

My area of interest is more in the “bonds” between people than the physics of atoms. “People” is plural, so relationships are involved. And sometimes the bonds are “among” people if there are more than two involved. Anyway, it occurred to me that there are elements and atoms in relationships, too. They behave like the scientific ones. They can be put together to form strong compounds and they can be split apart causing destruction.

Some of the elements important in relationships are the spiritual, the intellectual, the emotional, and the physical. Every relationship has “atoms” of these in different proportions.

What’s really neat is that nature established most of the bonds and constructs all the stuff around us, but we get to choose the bonds and constructs of our relationships.

It’s interesting, too, how we can bond with people who are like us and also those different from us. There are tremendous advantages to bonding with both. If you like the same things, you can enjoy them together. If you need more of something, bond with someone who has that to give. See, the bonding can be common or complementary!

My mentor and hero, Dr. William Glasser called the elements that destroy or enhance bonding “habits.” The destructive ones are criticizing, complaining, nagging, blaming, threatening, punishing, and bribing to control. If those elements are parts of your relationships, you’re pretty much doomed. The relationship will be uncomfortable at best and devastating to all concerned at worst.

Practicing the caring habits, on the other hand, can enhance and maintain any relationship. Think about these ways to interact; trusting, respecting, encouraging, supporting, listening, accepting, and negotiating difference. I’ve taken the liberty to add having a sense of humor to the list.

The amazing thing is, we can choose the elements of our relationships. We should periodically think about the habits we choose to use.

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